A few weeks ago I mentioned 12 simple (but not simplistic) principles that all managers should practice. Principle #1 was to look on the inside, not the outside when dealing with people. Principle #2 gives you some insight on how to do that.
Be a good listener.
Ok, we’ve all heard this one before: “God gave you two ears and only one mouth so use them in that priority.” But how can we really take steps to be good listeners?
In order to be a better communicator and to have those around us feel totally heard and understood, we have to practicing active listening. Active listening is more than hearing what people say and goes beyond just looking them in the eyes (although both practices are important). Active listening means practicing a deep level of discernment. It involves listening for subtleties below the surface; subtleties like needs and emotions.
Why are needs and emotions so important to listen for?
While some people seem to talk just to hear the sound of their own voice, most people communicate in order to get something. Needs and emotions are usually good indicators of what people want. Needs are the substances that fill voids. It could be a physical need such as food or water. It might be an emotional need such as an opportunity to vent or receive empathy. It can even be a spiritual need such as a yearning to connect to a higher power. Needs are different that wants (“I want a new Volvo S-80”) in that they indicate something deeper (i.e. “I want the Volvo S-80 to give me a feeling of reward for all the hard work I did in building my career”). If we listen for, and identify need, we can then offer suggestions, advice, or even give tangibles that really help the listener get satisfaction.
Listening for emotions first involves identifying emotions. Emotions are more than sadness and the tugging of your heart when viewing the ending of Old Yeller. Emotions can also include anger, rage, elation, and a whole range of other feelings. Sometimes we have to sort through emotions to hear the real message. Other times we might just hear what we need from the emotions themselves.
One of the four Fish! Philosophy principles is "Be there." It means focusing on the person talking to you. This means that, when conducting a conversation or participating on a conference call, you don't check your e-mail or surf the net. You may call it "multi-tasking". I call it "rudeness." Someone worked hard (hopefully) to prepare that teleconference. Even if it's somewhat boring, you're going to miss information if you're trying to do something else.
Posted by: Glenn (Customer Service Experience) Ross | October 15, 2006 12:28 PM | Permalink to Comment